I love cemeteries, as is evidenced by the massive amount of time I spend in them, taking pictures, remembering and memorializing on behalf of people I don't know. I love the small seventeenth and eighteenth century cemeteries near where I live and also the large rolling garden cemeteries. That being said, I would prefer a green, unmarked burial myself. I have a connection to nature and want to just return to it, but also I have self esteem issues and don't believe anyone would visit my grave. Space is also a consideration - is there room for the space required for vaults and coffins and all? And what are we preserving those bodies for?
Until green cemeteries began to grow (so to speak) in popularity, my choice was cremation and some sort of potentially illegal distribution by wind...or water. I was reading an article today about missing cremains. Here is the link: http://www.ktvu.com/news/news/special-reports/special-grave/nXdsk/.
I am struck by a number of things in this article. Mostly, the complete ineptness of a cemetery management company that they misplaced not only a container of remains, but a vault and personal mementos and are making the suggestion that someone had a motive to remove or steal them. Let's face it, they lost them, they were never interred to start with or they were interred in the wrong grave site and will never be found. Apparently interring people or their remains in whatever form in the wrong grave is a common occurrence. How often is probably impossible to know unless someone questions it. But who goes back to the grave after the funeral and how soon after?
How many funerals have you been to where you have returned to the grave later to visit? I've never been back to my father's grave (of course that is because I didn't really enjoy his company when he was alive). I would, I suspect, find it difficult to locate the exact section even though I consider myself to have a good memory and an affinity for directions. Often when I speak with people or go with them to look for someone, they have a very different idea of the location of the grave based on their recollection of the funeral. Emotion and memory are tricky. So you wander and wander until you find it or give up. Or you ask for a map. You get a map and it is not even close to your recollection, but do you question it when you find the headstone with the name? Not likely. You accept the name on the monument as verification that you were wrong and they are right.
This family has been visiting their father's grave for sixteen years. Sixteen years!! And there is nothing there. To be honest I feel they have every right to run that cemetery management company through the courts as far as they can. They paid a hefty price (just guessing) for the cremation, the container, the vault, the opening of the grave, the interment...it all adds up. They paid for a service and were cheated. They trusted and were let down.
But I also feel that people we loved aren't tied to that location where we leave their mortal remains. I think they are tied to our hearts and our memories. I don't think it matters where I am or where their remains are when I recollect our times together or my feelings about the loss of them. That they went there regularly for sixteen years, reflects on how much they loved him and his memory lives on beautifully in their hearts. It doesn't really matter that he wasn't in that exact spot.
I realize that in saying this, I am contradicting my own obsession with visiting cemeteries which is just another issue for therapy.
